


Don't Make Assumptions

by Ta_Ma



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M, Pining, Rafael is oblivious AF, Rafael's office is where the magic happens, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Slow Burn, not always
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22439833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ta_Ma/pseuds/Ta_Ma
Summary: Rafael Barba thinks he is too old and bitter for Det. Carisi to want him. He is wrong. But these two are idiots so it takes them a little too long to realize it. Luckily Liv and Rollins are there.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 42
Kudos: 136





	1. The Unexpected Dinner

**Author's Note:**

> A few days ago I wrote a Barisi one-shot because I got inspired and after that I got even more inspired so here we go again. This story is a little longer so I'll post it in parts. 
> 
> Again, please note that this is unbeta'd (I haven't been writing for a while so I don't have anyone to proof-read for me) and English is not my first language (but I am fluent, so I hope the mistakes are tolerable). 
> 
> Any feedback will be highly appreciated. Enjoy!

Carisi raises his head from where he is going over the case files and catches Rafael watching, so he has to make up some sort of excuse, but before he can even open his mouth, the younger man smiles warmly and asks “Is it just me or are you hungry too?”

“I was about to ask you just the same” Barba blurts out, not believing that the detective could fall for this bullshit as an excuse for the older man’s staring. 

“Oh, really?” He smirks. “Were you going to offer to buy me dinner?” He asks teasingly and Rafael hates himself a bit for being so smitten with such a goof. 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Carisi. I just pretended to avoid whichever fast food you had in mind.”

“Is that so?” Carisi asks in the same smug tone, then he just stands up and stalks towards Barba’s desk, he bends a little bit before adding “I see I’ll have to be the gentleman and buy you dinner instead”. 

Before Barba can begin to react, Carisi walks back to the couch, where his things are scattered, picks up his coat and puts in on without looking back at Rafael and goes out of the office muttering “Be right back”. And he must be already in the elevator, walking on those long legs of his, because when the lawyer asks “Couldn’t we just order in?”, rising his voice, he gets no response. 

And now here he is, alone in his office, the perfect set up for Rafael to finish rereading the file that he has been trying to go over for the last half an hour, but got to distracted by Carisi’s presence to do so. He is not getting anything done right now either, because he can’t stop his mind from picturing the detective somewhere thoughtfully picking his food. 

They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but Rafael does not really need Carisi to keep feeding him, because he is already too far gone on his own, thank you very much. He shakes his head, tries to get rid of the whole string of thoughts about what a wonderful thing it would be for him to have Sonny in his life. To come home to a home-cooked meal and a cheerful partner, ready to kiss him welcome. 

Barba knows he really needs to stop because this is getting ridiculous, one thing is knowing that Carisi admires him and even considers him a friend and the other is imagining some kind of intimate romantic life for the two of them. He knows he is too old and bitter to ever be in Carisi’s league. “ _ Basta _ ” he mutters to himself and straightens his jacket and tie before forcing himself to read the document again. 

Barba must have gotten too absorbed in his self deprecating thoughts because the door to his office opens not to two minutes after he has resumed his reading and Carisi strolls inside all flushed from Manhattan’s cold air and puts a paper bag on the coffee table. “I couldn’t find exactly what I had in mind but I guess this should do,” he says picking up stuff from the table to make room for the food. “I got you chicken ‘cause I know you are not so fond of cooked fish dishes and I’ve even picked a bottle of wine, though I’m sure there are no wine glasses in here, but I thought it’d be nice…” he stops his rambling and looks at Rafael, probably because he just noticed the lack of snark remarks. 

The older man is in some kind of shock, he can’t bring himself to say anything just yet because he is too amazed at the whole thing. First of all, because Carisi just looks gorgeous with his hair ruffled from the wind and his cheeks flushed from the temperature contrast, second because Barba just got so aware at how the younger man seems to know him too well and last because he can’t get over how domestic the whole situation feels. 

Carisi keeps looking at him, his head subtly tilted to the right as if he is waiting for Barba to snap off his trance.

“Yes. Right. Why don’t we eat, then?” Rafael says, closing his eyes for a bit and then standing up. When he looks at the detective again he is smiling, warm and beautiful. 

“I thought I’d lost you for a moment there, Rafael” He hears his name wrapped in that soft voice and he has to close his eyes again and swallow the lump that has just formed in his throat. 

Sonny either doesn’t catch the way Barba is struggling to keep his cool or pretends he doesn’t, so he goes back to the coffee table and starts unpacking everything and setting it. Rafael is amazed by the ease with which the younger man seems to behave in his space, he watches the detective move around from where he is still sitting on his chair and realizes that Carisi expects the both of them to have dinner on the couch, which is not that big and Barba can already anticipate the way their legs will be bumping against each other’s, the way their hands will probably touch accidentally when they both reach for something and he feels his stomach flip as if he were about to jump off a cliff, but at the same time he can’t bring himself to find any reason why they should not do it. 

The older man stands up and for a second he does not really know what to do with himself, should he sit down and wait for Carisi to do so? Should he help him grabbing glasses from his cabinet? He ends up waiting, halfway to the couch, staring awkwardly at the detective until he looks up and says warmly “C’mon, sit down, I’ll get glasses for the wine” and just like that Barba takes his place on the couch and decides to behave naturally and try to have a nice time because there is nothing else he can do right now. 

Dinner is not as awkward as Rafael had pictured in his mind, they eat and drink and discuss the case, but they do keep bumping their knees because the couch is not that big and Carisi’s legs are so long that they take up almost all the space, but the detective looks so at ease, chewing his food as he keeps telling him his opinion about their current case. The wine is not awful by Rafael’s standards and he says so, and Carisi smiles sheepishly and points “Which means that it is averagely good?” and Barba can’t stop himself from smiling back and nodding, and that makes them both laugh. 

Their food is finished and the whole bottle is almost gone and Rafael feels warm inside and absolutely comfortable so that he feels the need to say it out loud. 

“This is nice” and he purposely bumps Sonny’s knee with his own. 

“Wow” the tone on Carisi’s voice makes him look up and he finds wrinkles around the younger man’s blue eyes. “Warm food and a little wine and you turn into a nice guy?” he is clearly joking and Barba needs this to keep going. 

“I am a nice guy, I just don’t have the need to parade my kindness around” 

“So you disguise your goodness by being sassy and making snarky comments?” Rafael mocks being offended and is about to say something else when Carisi cuts him off. “I like it”. Barba raises his eyebrows in a silent question, and suddenly the atmosphere shifts completely to a more intimate and serious scene. Carisi turns slightly, so he is facing Rafael when he says “yes, I do. I mean…” his hand hovers over the prosecutor’s knee for a couple of seconds that feel like an eternity for Rafael, who is holding his breath, waiting for the touch that he didn’t know was craving. He can feel the warmth when the younger man’s hand is just an inch away and his whole body is yearning for the contact, Rafael is now facing the detective too and he is about to say something and expose his feelings when Carisi’s hand lands on his knee the touch is light but it sends shivers down the older man’s spine.

“Tell me” he offers “what did you mean?” Barba is trying to sound soft and inviting and by the way the detective is looking at him, he must be succeeding. The younger man is about to say something when a phone goes off and cuts him off. 

“Carisi” He answers, all professionalism in place. “Of course, Lieu. I’ll be there as soon as I can” he turns to Barba with an apologetic look on his face “I’m sorry, I need to go. They’ve just found a body”. 

He exhales the breath that he has been holding and nods. He then stands up, clears his throat and walks back to his desk before muttering “Sure. Go”, and does not look up even when he can feel Carisi lingering, scrambling to say something.

“All right,” the detective says for the lack of something more meaningful “Goodbye, then”.

“Bye, detective” Barba responds still not looking up, he does not raise his head until he hears the door click shut “take care”. 


	2. The Unexpected Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olivia doesn't buy Rafael's bullshit, but he keeps being an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how something that I intended to write as a One Shot in the first place got to be a story that will have at least three (probably more) chapter. No clue. I'm sorry.

Rafael wakes up feeling heavy-headed and even more tired than he was when he went to sleep the night before if tossing and turning for hours can be called sleep. He has not been able to stop chastising himself after Carisi left his office the previous evening, because what happened cannot happen again. He had let his guard down, he had foolishly exposed himself and that is not something Rafael Barba does. He almost misses the text from Olivia asking for him to go by the Station by nine, but he texts her that he will be right there. Even though that’s where Sonny Carisi will probably be, and he is not sure if he wants to see the man right now. 

He takes longer than usual in the shower, letting the hot water wash down all the memories from last night. Barba is not an idiot, he can tell that the detective is physically attracted to him, that he even enjoys their banter, but he also knows that Carisi was probably looking for some meaningless fling, an entertainment to take his mind of this emotionally heavy job and have fun, and nothing else. How on Earth would he want anything more with someone like Rafael? Who happens to be ten years his senior, not in very good shape, a workaholic and unbearably bitter. No, there is no way that Carisi would ever want more than a hookup with no feelings attached. That is probably why he approached him last night, because he, as everyone else around him, believes Barba to be a cold-hearted son of a bitch. If only that were true. 

But he is too far gone for that, he has been warming up to the younger man for the past two years and he has suddenly found himself picturing intimate and domestic moments with Carisi. It started as an attraction, and if the detective had tried anything during the first months, when he would catch himself staring at the long lines of Carisi’s legs, bathing on the shinning blue of his eyes, fingers itching with the want to touch his sandy hair, he would have given in easily. But now he can’t because if he gets to have one night with the man and then has to give him up, he might end up even more broken than he is now, and no one wants a sour man around. 

As he is getting dressed he is aware of how late he is gonna be to his meeting with Olivia at the precinct, so he shoots her a text promising to buy her coffee and even breakfast if she meets him halfway. Forty minutes later, full armor on, he goes into the diner of Liv’s choosing, where she is already waiting for him in one of the tables at the back. 

“Rough night?” She asks before he even has time to take his coat off. 

“You could say that” He winces when he sits down because, even after his long hot shower, his neck is sore from the tension. 

“Are you all right?” The Lieutenant seems to read him too well and he regrets turning up to the meeting at all. 

“Just a tough case and I assume you are going to drag me into another one” He admits, flagging the waiter to order his coffee. 

“Yes, I’m sorry… I’m aware I took Carisi away when he was supposed to help you with the Harris Case” He hopes that the woman doesn’t see his jaw tighten at the mention of the detective, but he knows that she just did. “I’ll tell him to come by later”.

“No need. I’m almost there…” He lies because after Carisi left he was unable to get anything done.

“You know that I can tell when you are bullshitting me, right?”

“I sure don’t know what you are talking about”

“Rafa” Olivia looks a bit worried. “Has something happened between you two?”

“What?! No!” Barba immediately composes himself after his little outburst, but he is aware that he just confirmed to Benson that there is something there. Just not what she is implying. 

“Come on, Rafa. He looks at you like you just hung the moon and you look at him like you want to eat him.” She says as if it were a universal truth. 

“Nothing like that. Just an awkward moment” The prosecutor admits, and stops because the waiter is bringing him his coffee, he then stirs it even though there is no sugar in there, and waits a couple of seconds before going on. “He admires me, nothing more. We were tired and I let my guard down, everything is fine, I just don’t want to see him just now”. 

“And that’s why you made me come all the way here” She stares at him, a small smile playing around her lips. “You are such a drama queen, Rafa” he raises his head, an offended look on his face and sees her mischievous expression. 

“What?” 

Olivia does not have time to explain, her smile widens when the door chime announces someone’s arrival, but Barba doesn’t pay attention until Rollins slips on the seat next to the Lieutenant. He can’t believe his bad luck. 

“Morning, counselor” Carisi’s warm voice says above him, and them he has those impossibly long legs in the chair at his side. 

“Morning, detective,” He says begrudgingly and then looks up and Carisi seems so happy to be there, that his contagious smile tugs at the older man’s lips just with its sight. 

“I asked them to bring the case details since Rollins and Carisi were the ones at the scene last night” Benson explains. 

“We need a warrant for the ex-boyfriend’s car and…” Amanda says and opens a manila folder as she intends to continue, but Liv stops her from taking anything out on the table. Rafael looks confused at her and he dreads what she is gonna say just because of the look in her eyes. 

“Carisi” That’s it, Barba is not going to forgive this. “Why don’t you walk the ADA back to his office and fill him in on the case details and what we need while Amanda and I go pay a visit to the victim’s sister?”

“Sure, Lieu,” Carisi says, all smiles and compliance. And just like that, the two women are gone and he is left alone with the cause of most of his problems. “Shall we?” Without him realizing, Carisi has stood up from the table and is waiting for him to do the same. 

Manhattan’s morning air is cold and Carisi seems to walk a little too close beside him, but the older man can’t bring himself to do anything about it. He was expecting some kind of awkwardness being alone with the younger man so soon after last night, but Carisi seems perfectly fine, he is smiling softly, a look that makes him appear even younger. 

“So, tell me about the case” Barba demands, because he needs to keep the moment from becoming another intimate one. 

“The victim is Monica Hills, 28. A passerby spotted something weird sticking from a trash can and found the body. Called 911” He says, all professional and serious, and Rafael can’t stop thinking that he looks attractive even when he is talking about some gruesome murder. “We found out that she had been living with her boyfriend until a couple of weeks ago, not far from where the body was found”

“And you think he had something to do with it?” Carisi nods and slows his pace, realizing that he had caught speed in his stride when describing the case and that Rafael was a bit behind. “And he is not cooperating?” 

“He is nowhere to be found” The detective explains “Has not been to work for the last two days, but his car is in his usual parking spot”

“So you want a search warrant but not one for his arrest?” 

“Well, there is no evidence of him being involved apart from him being missing, so we figured” they are getting to the elevator leading to his office and Carisi stops to let him go first, then looks down, a bit of a blush creeping on his neck “I figured, you wouldn’t grant an arrest yet”. 

“Well” He waits a bit inside the elevator, waiting for someone else to go in with them, but it doesn’t happen, so he pushes the button before it becomes evident that he is trying to avoid being in a secluded space with the younger man. The doors slid shut. “You’re right… I’ll grant the search warrant for the car and… one for the apartment?” Carisi nods and then steps a bit closer to him. 

“Thank you” he says softly and squeezes gently Rafael’s arm. It’s a chaste gesture, one that could have been absolutely normal, but Carisi had never touched him before if it wasn’t entirely necessary. This is totally intentional and the older man feels his skin erupting in goosebumps under his clothes but he manages to keep his nonchalant façade. 

“Sure. Keep me posted on any progress that you make” Carisi smiles, nods and squeezes his arm again.

The elevator dings and they get off, Barba is scrambling for a way to excuse himself a walk alone to his office, but the detective still had his hand around the arm of his camel coat. The younger man seems to realize what’s happening because he drops his hand, dips his head and blushes. “Listen, I wanted to…” He seems to be forcing himself to make eye contact, so Rafael tries no to look away. “I was wondering if you…” Barba fears what the detective is gonna ask, and he is already thinking of a snarky response or an excuse, but it still takes him by surprise when Carisi says “I mean, would you like to have dinner with me, maybe on Friday, if we are both free?”

“Didn’t we have dinner just last night?” The prosecutor asks, more nervous than he is willing to admit, and the way that the younger man smiles, giving away how nervous he is too.

“I meant more like a date…” he explains, but this time he speaks without looking at him in the eye. 

“Oh” A part of Rafael wants to say yes and just accept whatever Carisi is willing to give him, but the other part doesn’t let him because his already picturing the awful consequences that a thing like this could have, so he asks “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” and if he had anticipated the look of disappointment that suddenly creeps his way to the detective’s eyes, he might have said something different but now it’s too late. 

“Right” Carisi mutters dryly “forget what I said” and like that, he turns and walks back to the elevator. He doesn’t even say goodbye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any mistake. Any feedback will be highly appreciated. ^^
> 
> BTW, I've got an idea for a smutty fic (that's really just a trope but it hasn't been used on this fandom yet, I think) but I'm not very good at writing smut in English, so if anyone wants to help me just leave me a comment or hit me on Tumblr (@taandtheworld).


	3. The Unexpected Drink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liv calls Rafael's bullshit

Rafael has been trying to focus for more than two hours without any success. He can’t erase the sad expression on Carisi’s eyes from his mind and he feels despicable because he is the one who put it there in the first place. Barba has tried convincing himself that he had to do it, that what would have possibly been a nice evening and maybe a couple of wonderful nights, would not have been worth the pain, regret, and hopelessness that would come from its ending.

He knows that it wouldn’t be worth the hustle to risk being found out about for just a fling or whatever Carisi intended. I would be risking their careers and his sanity for a few hours of bliss. Even if he was in the wrong, which he wasn’t, and the detective intended them to date, it would matter because he knows that it would end up badly in a few weeks. Surely Carisi expected to be with someone sweet and dedicated, someone younger. No, it can’t happen. It is better this way even if it hurts a bit. 

Barba is able to sort of dull his inner turmoil into letting him work for the rest of the day, although he does so at a much slower pace than usual. By seven, Rafael realizes that he has spent the whole Wednesday functioning thanks to Tuesday night’s dinner because he hasn’t eaten anything and he has just had too much coffee, so he decides to order something in as Carmes has already left for the day and won’t be giving him shit about how unhealthy his lifestyle is. 

When the food gets there, he eats quickly on his desk, awfully aware of how different this dinner is from the previous one and how fucked up he is.

…

It’s not until Friday morning, very early morning, that Barba hears from the SVU at all. There may not have been much progress on the case, but he is aware that if he had not hurt Carisi’s feelings, he would know even the smallest details. It’s Liv the one who calls him about the main suspect being on custody because he was because he tried to steal a car at a gas station. “I don’t know what you’ve done… but Carisi is making excuses so he doesn’t have to be here when you come” she sounds stern and Rafael is grateful that they are not facing each other right now because he must look like a scolded child. 

“I’ll be there shortly,” he says and in any other situation her just hanging up on him would piss him off, but he is quite ashamed already at how he has been acting like a spoiled teenager. 

When Barba gets to the precinct Carisi is nowhere to be seen, he just encounters Rollins suspicious look, which is not really far from the way she usually looks at him, but right now he has a feeling of what the cause might be. So he ignores her and goes into the Lieutenant’s office where Liv is on the phone with someone else. 

“I’m kind of surprised to learn that between the two of you, you happen to be the childish one and not Carisi…” she says after hanging up.

“Not that it is any of your business, but I was just trying to prevent drama,” Rafael says regaining his composure. 

Olivia has the nerve to stare at him in disbelief while she stands up and goes to the door “by causing more?” she asks just before opening it and stepping off her office so he has to follow her. Liv does not let him talk until after they’ve seen the perp and he, with the supervision of his court-appointed counsel, has already agreed to a plea deal that’s more of a confession and less of a deal than he possibly assumed, but Barba is good like that, even if his head is kind of clouded right now. 

“So, Rafa… about Carisi” Olivia is walking him back to her office and Rafael feels exhausted.

“I don’t know how to deal with this, Liv” He admits, letting himself fall on the couch. 

“I’m a pretty good listener, you know?” She offers him a drink and he accepts because if he is going to talk about feeling, he might as well ease the words out. 

“I know he likes me… That much I can tell…” Rafael speaks after a while “But I also know that I am not easy to be around” he raises his hand at Olivia’s attempt to say something. “No, Liv. Let me finish… I may be a decent friend or maybe you are just biased, but I am not a good lover” He smiles because that is a crappy admission to make. “That’s not what I meant, I am one hell of a lover” Rafael waits for Olivia to laugh and then goes on “I am not good with feelings and I am too broken and bitter. Sometimes even I don’t like myself…” he stands up and walks to the window because the sad look on Liv’s face is a bit too much. 

“By now, Carisi is too important to me…” he continues and starts picking at a loose thread from the curtains. “All the work logistics aside, if I did cave in and allowed something to happen between the two of us…” his voice is starting to crack and he curses Olivia internally for being too damn good at getting under his skin “I don’t think I’d be able to endure it if it happens to be just a fling.” 

For a while, there is silence in the Lieutenant’s office, so Barba turns around to look at his friend, that’s when she stands up and walks to where he is, to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I don’t know if it is my place to tell you this, but I don’t think that Carisi is one for having flings” he nods, all energy drained from him because what she just said has been dancing around his mind for days. Rafael did not want to think about that, because acknowledging that the younger man is not prone to meaningless relationships would mean that, if something started between them and it went wrong, it would be mostly because of Rafael’s fault and he cannot bear the thought of that. 

“I think I should go…” he says before drowning his drink and walking to the door. “Thank you, Liv”

“I think you should give yourself a chance,” she says before he has stepped outside. 

Rafael spends most of Friday afternoon working on the Harris case, the one that he has been sort of ignoring because the last time he got anything done about it was Tuesday evening, before the improvised dinner with Carisi here in his office. Barba seems to have a clearer head than the last couple of days because after some focusing he seems to have found the right angle to prosecute. 

He is already thinking about going home for the day, taking the work with him, of course, so he can go over the details during the weekend and have a solid strategy by Monday. He looks at the time and it’s barely six in the afternoon and he can’t help feeling a pang of guilt in his stomach because if things were different, he could be seeing Carisi tonight. He dismisses the thought while he puts the case files in his briefcase and he is already closing if when there is a soft knock on the door. 

“Come in” 

“Afternoon, counselor” and here Carisi is, head down, a soft blush on his cheeks, sad look on his eyes and manila folder on his hand “the Lieutenant…” he looks up then and notices the clear desk and the closed briefcase on top of it, and his looks turns suspicious. “She asked me…” of course Olivia would want to make him confront the younger man, but Rafael waits because he’d rather not speak yet, “She said you needed this” the detective moves the folder to clarify but he has already realized the ruse. 

“Well?” Barba extends his hand so he can figure out if it really is a work-related document or just Benson’s meddling. He opens the folder to find a single piece of paper, half of the perp’s statement on it and a scrambled note at the bottom. It reads Get your shit together. Sometimes he is not sure why he is friends with the woman. “Right,” he says and shakes his head. “Look”

“Listen” the younger man speaks at the same tame and Rafael has to look at him, the determination on Carisi’s face makes Barba gesture for him to continue. “I think I owe you an apology” and that he wasn’t expecting, but he doesn’t speak up yet “I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did” Rafael is starting to get confused here “I understand if you don’t like me back, I just misread the whole situation…”

“No, you didn’t,” He says because it is painful to watch and he has just decided that he is going to, at least, explain his motives to the younger man. 

“Then why…?” Rafael gestures for him to stop. He points to the cabinet and walks to pour himself a Scotch, Sonny nods when he offers him a glass too. 

“I didn’t think we were on the same page” he admits and takes a big gulp “I was not expecting you to propose something like that”

“How? I mean… I thought I was pretty obvious” Carisi really seems at a loss and Rafael needs to make things right.

“I can be a bit obtuse, sometimes” he admits.

“You bet!”

“Look… I am sorry, I should’ve said something sooner…” the detective nods and the small smile dancing on his lips is like a ray of hope for Rafael. “You have every right to tell me to fuck off, but why don’t I take you to dinner to make it up to you?” 

“Wow. I can’t tell if you are messing with me…” Barba really must look sorry because the younger man smiles again “Ok… what about tomorrow?” and Rafael can’t deny a bit of disappointment because he was hoping it would happen right now, but he is going to take anything.

“All right. I’ll text you the details” Sonny nods, smiles and takes a small sip from his glass. 

“I’ll let you get home, then,” he says leaving his glass on Rafael’s desk and before the older man can register the next movement, he steps in his personal space and dives his head to kiss him on the cheek “Goodnight then, Rafael” and walks to the door. 

“Bye, Carisi” 

For a moment Rafael does not know what to do with himself if a kiss on the cheek can get him so worked up, he does not want to think about tomorrow night and all the possibilities it stores. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ever heard that expression about characters writing themselves? This is it. 
> 
> BTW, I'm not sure if Olivia has drinks in her office, I don't remember if it's ever shown in the series. Let's pretend she does


	4. A Spot of Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry for the delay, work has been hectic these days. I hope I can finish and publish the last chapter this week. Enjoy!

The fact is that Rafael cannot recall the last time that he had a whole weekend to himself and it is even more distant the memory of his last date. That is what is getting to his nerves, it is not like Barba was not aware of how sparse his romantic life has been since he began working as a prosecutor, but he has suddenly realized how important this evening could be and how little prepared he is for it. In fact, he is just picturing all the ways how he is probably going to screw the whole thing up. 

Because let’s face it, Rafael Barba might be one of the best damn lawyers in New York, an expert at tearing people apart just by using his wit and tongue, but he is not so confident about opening up and letting his feelings out. And that terrifies him. 

Rafael spends more time than he would care to admit in front of his closet, trying to decide what to wear tonight. He is so used to wearing his three-piece suits as armor that he just decided he was not going to wear one tonight. Not that he has gone completely nuts, he still plans on wearing dressing pants and a blazer, but he is thinking of leaving the whole vest and tie look out for tonight. 

The place that he has picked is a low key Cuban restaurant near his apartment where, he hopes, Carisi will feel comfortable enough. It is not the kind of spot usually frequented by cops, it is a quiet and cozy place where families and couples find good shelter. Rafael has not been there for months because it is where he would order food to bring his _abuelita_ when she started feeling too tired to cook, and it reminds him too much of her, but he thinks that the familiarity will be a good thing tonight. To help him open up. 

At five he sends Carisi a text with La Placita’s location and asking if seven is okay for him, and on a fit, he ends the message with a smiley emoji, which he has never used before. Rafael’s stomach is in knots until he gets a reply, about ten minutes later, that reads « _ Sure. See you there ;)» _

The thing is that Rafael is getting so antsy that he has already get dressed and ready before six and he only needs ten minutes to get to the restaurant, so he tries to work his way through his nerves by trying to prepare his opening statement for the Harris’ Case and ends up too engrossed in it. By the time he realizes what happened, it’s already a quarter to seven and he fears that he is going to be late. 

Rafael makes it to the restaurant only a minute after seven, but his heart sinks a bit when he sees that Carisi is already there, standing against the wall beside La Placita’s door frowning at his phone like he has been waiting for a while. He makes his way to where the detective is waiting.

“I am so sorry…” 

“What?!” Carisi is clearly startled by his words, raising his head quickly, but the smile that makes its wat to the younger man’s face is so warm when he registers that Rafael is the one who has spoken. “Hi,” Sonny says quietly and without giving the older man time to think, he bends a bit and gives him a kiss on the cheek. And that gesture, again, gets Rafael too worked up for something so chaste. 

“Hi” he answers, slowly, feeling how his face grows a bit hot. “Should we…?” he asks pointing the door to the restaurant.

“Sure”

The owner, a lovely lady in her late sixties, greets the both of them as they get inside, and pats Barba on the arm while asking how he’s been. 

“Ocupado, Lupita, pero bien” he answers, and she walks them to a secluded table, that is a little small even for two people. “Gracias” Rafael tanks the woman as he sits down in front of Sonny, knees already bumping. 

“I think I’ll let you order for me…” the younger man says with a smile as he shows the prosecutor the menu, written only in Spanish. 

“I’m sure they have menus in English” he assures, turning around, looking for the woman who apparently has just vanished “Or I could translate it for you…”

“Nah, I trust you” Carisi offers, seeking out Rafael’s eyes, which makes the older man really pay attention to him. 

Barba decides that is better if he orders their food before they start the conversation that they are bound to have at some point tonight, so he gestures for the waitress “Lupita’s daughter” he tells Carisi later, and orders two of his comfort food dishes  _ Arroz con Pollo _ and  _ Congrí _ , because he is not sure if he will be able to stomach anything else and he doesn’t really want Carisi to be too engrossed with the food. 

Rafael tries making small talk while they wait for the food and the wine and everything feels so right, that the older man dreads what will happen once he opens up about his feelings, as he has decided to do. After a few minutes, another waiter brings their wine and pours a glass for each one of them, and Carisi is the first one to trie some. “I don’t really know much about wine, but this is good…” he says sheepishly and takes another sip, confirming it with a nod that Rafael finds awfully adorable. 

When Lupita’s daughter brings their food she smiles at Rafael and mutters “disfruten” before walking away. Sonny tries a bite of Congrí and smiles again and then goes quiet for a bit, Rafael is gathering the courage to start and Sonny seems to know that, because he waits, patiently. 

“So…” Rafael starts but he doesn’t continue.

“So…?” Carisi mocks and gives a light squeeze to Barba’s right hand, that’s resting beside his wine glass.

“Right. Let’s do this” he says before moving the said hand to bring the glass to his lips a drink a long gulp. “I said I can be a bit obtuse and that is not exactly true… I mean, I did notice that you sort of liked me” and Carisi nods, prompting him to continue “but, I guess, I wasn’t really sure about how…” Barba is really struggling with his words and he mentally thanks to the detective’s choice of letting him talk without intervening. “I mean, at first I thought you were just excited professionally, about us working together… but then I noticed the looks and I assumed it was just attraction and nothing more…” he trails off. 

“And you weren’t interested in that” Carisi points without any hint of a question, Rafael nods and the younger man’s expression shifts to a confused one. “That’s the point where I get lost, I thought you…”

“I wanted more” Rafael cuts him and he can tell that Sonny is a bit surprised. “And I presumed that was not a possibility. I led myself to believe that you would never want anything serious with someone like me”. 

“What do you mean someone like you?” Sonny asks, genuinely confused.

“Come on, Carisi. I am a lot older than you, always working, never able to make any plans… I am bitter and sometimes even rude…”

“Hey. Stop” the younger man reaches for Rafael’s arm to make him stop. “I get it, you are scared”

“That’s not” He tries, but Carisi presses his hand to the older man’s forearm. 

“You didn’t need to say it. I know because I am scared too” he admits leaning a bit closer and Barba feels so selfish, because after all this time of him battling with his feelings and his fear of rejection, he has never once stopped to think that Carisi might have been feeling something similar. 

“I guess it must be some kind of self-preservation shit… Us assuming the worst-case scenario as the only true” Carisi continues.

“Are you trying to prove that we are both idiots?” Rafael asks, trying to lighten the mood and to regain a part of his composure.

“Indeed” Sonny smiles lightly and scoots his chair a little closer, leaning in as if he is about to reveal some classified information “I’ve liked you from day one and I thought that was pretty obvious, judging by the amount of shit that Rollins has been giving me about you,” he says and it makes Rafael smile too. “I just assumed that you despised me” Carisi’s voice goes lower. 

“I didn’t” the older man says quickly “I did despise that mustache, tough” and that makes Sonny smile again, wider this time. 

“Some days my only goal was to impress you. I thought you found me annoying” he mumbles. 

“Annoyingly adorable” Rafael blurts out and Sonny’s eyes widen in surprise. “It was so cute… you with your freshly shaven face trying to come up with any legal knowledge fitting to the case so I would notice how smart you were…” Carisi dips his face at that, a slight blush on his cheeks. 

“I wanted you to like me so bad,” the detective says and he trails his fingers against Rafael’s skin raising goosebumps. 

“I did. I do” Rafael corrects himself, turning his hand upwards to link his fingers with Sonny’s. 

“Should we get out of here?” the younger man asks hopefully. 

“Yeah. Let me get the check” 

They walk out of the restaurant a couple of minutes later and Manhattan’s cold air is a shocking contrast, so Rafael instinctively leans closer. 

“I used to fantasize about you kissing me in your office as a reward for one of my useful inputs” Sonny confesses, and they are so close that he is almost whispering to Rafael’s ear. 

“I fantasized about kissing you for numerous reasons,” the older man says and he pulls a bit at the lapels of Carisi’s coat to make him duck his head. He is the one to close the small distance, getting on his tiptoes and kissing the younger man. Even in this cold, it is one of the most perfect experiences that Rafael has had. 

“Should we go to my place for a spot of dessert?” he offers against Carisi’s lips, before kissing the man again. 

“Lead the way”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations
> 
> \- Ocupado, Lupita, pero bien*= Busy, Lupite, but fine  
> \- Gracias*= Thank you  
> \- Disfruten* = Enjoy


	5. An Unexpected Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their first night and the morning after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really sorry because it took me really long to write this, I hope you like it. See the end notes for warnings.

It is really cold outside but Rafael and Sonny don’t seem to mind, they walk the few blocks back to the prosecutor’s apartment side by side, letting their hands brush against the other’s. Rafael feels lightheaded and he feels the urge to touch the other man, for a couple of seconds, he refrains himself from doing so, until the realization that his touch will probably be welcomed downs on him. So he lets his hand slip inside Carisi’s and is rewarded by a warm squeeze and a smile. 

They walk the rest of the way hand in hand, without saying anything because there will be time for that later, they’ve said enough during dinner to grant the comfortable silence, filled with anticipation, that is surrounding them right now. 

Rafael is amazed about how the evening has developed, he has been dreading to let out his feelings for the detective for the last months and in a matter of hours everything has turned upside down. He cannot begin to grasp the significance of their conversation, how their relationship has been completely altered. For good, he hopes. And it is the realization of this that makes him pull at Sonny’s hand to make him stop walking when they are just a couple of blocks away from his building. Carisi turns his head in confusion but smiles when he looks at their connected hands. “What is it?” The younger man asks softly.

“Can I kiss you?” Sonny’s smile just widens and he nods, so Rafael stands on his tiptoes and presses his lips to the detective’s in a soft kiss. He is yearning for a deeper kiss, with tongue and wandering hands involved, but he decides that they are not teenagers and should be able to wait until they are in private. 

“Impatient, are we?” The younger man asks still smiling and Barba shoves playfully at his arm and then starts walking towards his home again. Carisi does not seem to mind because he catches up with him in a couple of steps and punts his hand on Rafael’s nape, with a firm but the gentle grip that makes the older man’s knees go weak for a second. 

They make it to the building and into the elevator without doing anything that could be used to accuse them of public indecency, which is kind of a success for Rafael right now because as the doors are closing hi pulls at Carisi’s hand and mutters “Come here” before kissing him again, deeper this time. 

Sonny is quick to jump on board and wraps his arms around the older man’s body, his right hand going to rest on Rafael’s neck and it feels so right. They stay entangled for the whole ride and make it out of the elevator still kissing, with every kiss being longer and deeper than the previous one. 

“Hey,” Rafael says pushing Sonny gently away, and he takes some delight in the younger man’s reluctant expression before saying: “I need to unlock the door”. This makes Carisi smile as he resumes their contact, this time from behind so Rafael has room to take out his keys. The detective’s right hand is again on the older man’s nape, and the firm but the gentle grip that Carisi seems to be fond of makes Barba anticipate Sonny taking the lead in the bedroom. 

The detective pushes Rafael against the door just a second after the prosecutor has managed to open it and yank them inside. He licks into Rafael’s mouth, a bit of tooth scratching his lower lip and setting the older man’s whole body on fire. 

“I wanna feel you” the Staten Island accent is thick on Sonny’s voice as he tries to yank Rafael’s coat and blazer off at the same time, he manages to get them partially off the way before dipping to lick a stripe on the older man’s neck that makes him moan loudly. “So hot…” 

“Dios. Sonny” for the first time in ages Rafael doesn’t care about the state of his clothes and pulls the coat and blazer all the way to the floor so he can get his hands on Carisi’s coat, he opens it and dips his fingers under the hem of the sweater and his hand must be cold because at his touch Sonny hisses, then laughs and helps him take off his coat. 

“Come, I want you on my bed” he mutters against Sonny’s neck and intertwines their fingers without looking. Carisi follows him and Rafael takes pleasure in the younger man’s hand resting against his nape once again, as he pats the wall until he finally hits the light switch. 

If it was anyone else, Rafael might be tempted to leave the lights off because he is not really fond of letting people see him naked. He is not proud of his soft belly and thick thighs, but he strongly wants to be able to see Carisi’s body against his dark plum sheets. 

Sonny has never stricken him as the self-conscious type and seeing him take his sweater and undershirt off in one swift move and open his arms in a welcoming gesture just reinforces his confident image and makes Rafael even more aware of the fact that he is going to have to eventually lose his armor of clothes in front of this gorgeous man. 

Carisi must have noticed the change in the mood because he closes the distance and lifts Rafael’s chin gently. “Hey, what’s wrong?” the older man just closes his eyes “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, you know that”.

“It’s not that. I want…” He hates not being able to speak up clearly but he is really embarrassed right now. “Shit. I don’t like the way I look, ok?” he opens his eyes expecting to see an amused expression or even an upset one, he does not expect the serious look on Sonny’s face. 

“You are, like, the most beautiful man I know,” he says, but Rafael just shakes his head. 

“I know what I look like” he mutters “I am not exactly… trim” he does not even want to look at Sonny’s face right now, and he can’t help the surprise when he feels the other’s arms around him. 

“Hey… I get it, I can’t say that I was expecting this, but I get it” Carisi’s voice is so soft and warm that Rafael has to look at him now. “You might not believe this, but I don’t like the way my knees look” Carisi gently nudges him until they are close enough to the bed to sit down.

“I don’t…”

“My sisters and kids at school used to make fun of my scrawny frame all the time, when I grew up I managed to muscle almost everything up, apart from my knees, that are, still scrawny and weird-looking” he reaches for his belt and Rafael still can’t process the idea of any part of Sonny’s body being weird-looking. 

“Are you trying to tell me that me being unsure about showing my body fat can compare to your slightly too thin knees?” he asks, kind of amused because Carisi has just dropped his jeans and as far as Barba can tell, his knees as just as perfect as the rest of his body. 

“No. I am trying to tell you that everyone has issues with their body and that I don’t think you are fat, but apparently, I’m failing miserably” he then kneels down between Rafael’s legs and the older man can’t help the way his heart leaps at the sight, but Sonny just gets closer and raises a hand to caress his cheek and neck.

“What I am trying to say is that I really like you” he utters “and that I’ve wanted you forever” he gets even closer and presses a kiss at the corner of Rafael’s mouth “you are so handsome,” he says as he keeps feathering kisses “and hot” his nimble fingers come to the collar of Rafael’s shirt and toy with the first button “and so smart, and amazing” he keeps going, popping the first button open. Rafael is feeling less reluctant and a lot more turned on, but then Carisi stops, withdraws himself a bit so he can look him in the eye “I mean I’ve been wanting to touch you and watch you for ages, but if you are not comfortable with me seeing you, we can turn off the lights or we can just lay in bed and kiss, keeping our clothes on”, Barba has to raise an eyebrow at the last words, because Sonny is already in his underwear and the younger man laughs at that. 

“Okay, let’s turn the lights off because I wanna feel you without feeling so…” he means to say insecure but Sonny’s quick movement to reach the light switch before coming back to kiss him again leaves him speechless. 

“I’m dying to taste you, you know?” he mutters against Rafael’s lips as his hand travels quickly to the crotch of the older man’s pants. Barba groans at the touch because he wasn’t aware of how hard he was until now and he moves his hand to cup Sonny’s dick, which is also and probably beautiful judging by the rest of the man’s body and for a couple of seconds he regrets his choice but Carisi is quick getting his hand inside his pants and grabbing his cock and Rafael doesn’t even care anymore. 

__________________ 

When Rafael wakes up the faint glow of dawn is starting to get in the room, he can make out Sonny’s sleeping form beside him, facing the other way and breathing calmly. The whole previous night comes back to Barba’s mind and he feels his gut twitch, he is aware of how quickly he came after he and Carisi started fooling around, they didn’t have proper sex and he feels like a failure. 

He can’t prevent the anxiety from building up as he pictures Sonny making polite excuses to leave and never come back, he even starts imagining the awkward meetings at work and a sour tastes makes its way into his mouth. 

“Hey. I can hear you overthinking, come here” Carisi says sleepily after he has turned and is facing him, he pats the mattress beside him and Rafael scoots over because the soft look on the younger man’s eyes tells him to. 

“I thought that you…” he looks down at his own body because he is naked and is showing everything that he didn’t want Sonny to see the previous night.

“Hey, I am not going anywhere, unless you want me to,” he says approaching Rafael’s face “I’m perfectly happy here, with you” he kisses him softly and Rafael has to forget about all the little things that he was thinking would make Carisi want to go away. As he kisses him again, deeper this time, he starts to let himself believe that apparently, this gorgeous man wants to give him a try because he likes him, just the way he is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was trying to write some smut and it is so difficult for me to write it in English... So it kind of turned into this angsty thing. I am sorry if it made any of you uncomfortable, I hope you liked it. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Low self-esteem  
> \- Self body-shaming


End file.
